Mommy Mode
my most honest truths about becoming a mom
*This open read is a trigger warning and may not be an easy read for anyone that has suffered a loss in pregnancy*
Transitioning from one child to two is, WHEW! It’s a transition! Okay?! I’m now the proud mother of two young Black boys and I couldn’t love it more. This is what I prayed for. My experience for my second son was different than my first. With Janori, I was a single mom and lived alone. I became reacquainted with my now husband, Michael, when Janori was 16 months old. We became a blended family. I loved how Janori and Michael’s relationship blossomed. As time went on, Michael and I decided it was time for us to try to have our own child. We indeed did get pregnant, but unfortunately lost this baby in a miscarriage at six weeks in April of 2021. We were devastated. My heart goes out to any woman who has ever dealt with this. It is not easy to maneuver through this, knowing you cannot do anything about what your body is doing. At that time, mentally, I was checked out for a bit. I did not know if I would ever want to try for another child. The thought of miscarrying again, consumed my mind. Fast forward a couple of months and to my surprise, I learned I was 8 weeks pregnant in early July. I had some similar symptoms when I was pregnant with my firstborn that led me to become suspicious. That is what prompted me to go to the doctor to officially get checked. I was on pins and needles with that particular pregnancy because there is not a particular window where you are considered safe to not lose a baby. You can miscarry at any given time, no matter how far you are in the pregnancy or you could lose the baby at birth. I was paranoid. Worried if a certain pain I felt was “it,” or if me doing practically anything would do any harm to my then-growing baby. Thank God my second son, Michael Bray, III, was able to become earth side on February 4, 2022.
This particular birth was special for me because it was a VBAC. What is a VBAC, you ask? VBAC stands for vaginal birth after cesarean. My first born, Janori, was an emergency cesarean and I was upset when I learned I could not have him the natural way. With Michael’s birth, it was a really special and wild experience. I did everything 100% natural without any pain medication or any kind of interventions. I felt E V E R Y T H I N G. I will say, it is not as bad as people make it out to be. I have an extremely low pain tolerance. If I can do it, anyone can. I’m very thankful to God that I was able to provide both of my boys with their “first food” and nourishment for their little bodies with my breastmilk. I am huge advocate for breastfeeding. I encourage you to go as long as you can. Set a goal and then once you achieve that goal, go even longer. With Janori I went until he was almost three years old. I’m currently still breastfeeding my toddler. He will be three on February 4, 2025. I have some breastfeeding facts and tips on below this section, towards the bottom of THIS page.
Health Facts & Tips for Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding HEALTH fact I just learned recently from national brand Lansinoh:
Did you know if a woman breastfeeds (or pump - not all moms feed from the actual breast for their breast milk) for eight years, she has nearly a ZERO chance of developing breast cancer! Now, you may be saying to yourself, "So a woman has to feed her child until he is 8 years old?" Not necessarily. This is where tandem feeding comes into play. Typically, mothers are working on their next child when the previous child is around two or three years of age. If you have already breastfed your previous child up until the age of two or three, that is two or three years already done, naturally you will want to breastfeed the new baby. You may want to breastfeed the new baby for the same amount of time or longer. The longer the better. (Shop Lansinoh products HERE)
Eventually you will come up on eight years of breastfeeding, especially if you have an additional baby. If breastfeeding a toddler freaks you out or makes you uneasy, just pump. I don’t care how you provide the liquid gold to your child, just get it out of you into your child! I don’t think we TRULY understand how good breastmilk is for our children!
Fun breastfeeding facts:
While pregnant, up until the first couple of weeks after giving birth, have you noticed that your nipples and areolas got a lot darker than normal? Do you know why? When babies are first born, they cannot see that far in front of them, just maybe a few inches. The darker coloration of your areola is for them to be able to see your breast easier to help them nurse better. Of course, your scent of the milk helps as well, but the darker color helps guide them to feed properly.
According to latchedmama.com, did you know that when your child is only a 1 year old, children’s immune systems are only operating at about 60%. The immune-boosting power of breast milk keeps working after the first year. If you are breastfeeding between the 12th and 23rd months, just two cups of breast milk per day provides your child with nearly 30% of their energy requirements, 94% of their Vitamin B12 requirements, 76% of their daily folate, and so much more. After their first year, the actual nutrients found in breast milk continue to be an enormous benefit to any child’s diet. But let’s forget about those children for a quick second, the LONGER you breastfed, the mother’s risk of breast and ovarian cancer, type 2 diabetes, and high blood pressure continues to decline.
More Breastfeeding Fun Facts:
1. Thanks to its antibodies, a few drops of breast milk can be used to help treat cuts, soothe diaper rash, or even help infants with eye and ear infections. I did this for my boys. Always gave them a “milk bath” after their soap and water bath and they NEVER had ear infections or eye infections. I would literally pour my milk all over them. I even used it for myself when I had some kind of allergic reaction. It is literal gold!!!
2. Mothers of premature infants naturally produce breast milk with more protein, fat, and minerals in
order to prevent illness and infection. Breast milk also helps preemies (and full-term babies) with brain
development, including IQ and memory later in life.
3. The longer a woman breastfeeds, the better the lifetime benefits for reducing breast cancer, ovarian
cancer, stroke, heart disease, and diabetes risk. This is why I encourage extended breastfeeding.
4. The composition of breast milk changes to accommodate the changing needs of growing babies. This
is why that comment, “that baby too old to be breastfeeding, it ain’t got no nutrients,” is very foolish.
The milk LITERALLY changes as the child grows!
5. A mother’s breasts can detect even a one-degree fluctuation in baby’s body temperature and adjust
accordingly to heat up or cool down baby, as needed. This is one reason skin-to-skin contact in the early
days is so critical. Please do skin to skin asap, and throughout the newborn’s life.
6. A mother’s breast size has absolutely nothing to do with the amount of milk that you produce. Some
mothers have a larger storage capacity, but ALL mothers produce about the same amount of milk at one
time. This one is really important! I hate when I hear moms say they think they can’t breastfeed because
their boobs are too small and doesn’t think they will produce “enough.” Unless you literally have a
medical condition causing your breast to have a lesser number of ducts, then that’s a possibility, but not
likely.
7. A baby will breastfeed until they’re full, not until they “empty” your breast. On average, babies
remove 67% of the milk you have available, this amount can vary widely among moms.
8. The metabolic energy needed to breastfeed a baby each day, is the amount you’d use to walk seven
miles!